Role modeling what you expect from your child is difficult for every parent, but one is expected to try their best, at least most of the time right?
If a child sees his parents day in and day out behaving with self-discipline, restraint, dignity, and with a sense of orderliness in their own lives, then a child will come to model these same values with every fiber of their being and learn to live this way.
Unfortunately, if a child does not see these qualities than the opposite of this is also true! Remember that wise old saying we always need to “Practice what we preach.”
But, one thing that is even more important in building a healthy relationship with your child is love.
Even in chaotic and disorderly homes, if genuine love is occasionally present, children can become self-disciplined people.
It is also not uncommon for kids that have parents who are professional people like doctors, lawyers, and dentists, who lead lives of strict orderliness and properness, but yet lack the ability to love their children. They are sending those children out into the world being undisciplined, destructive, and disorganized.
Parents need to embrace the fact that love is ultimately everything.
Children who are truly loved although in moments of family conflicts might feel consciously neglected, but unconsciously they do know that they are truly valued by their parents.
This knowledge is better than any gift a child can receive, for when they are truly valued in the deepest parts of themselves, then they feel VALUABLE! This feeling for each of us that, “I am a valuable person,” is essential to mental health and a direct product of parental love.
This is so important now with all of the chaos and uncertainty in our world. Yes, your children may see you afraid, frustrated, and even angry right now, but if they know they are loved they will do fine. They will get through it with you, even if it’s hard. And you may become even closer as a family.
All parents want to raise their children to become successful and capable adults and using the two principles of role-modeling and unconditional love will prepare them to take on the challenges the world has to offer.
In your tough moments, remember that love is the answer. Even if things got difficult. Take the time to let your children know that you love them.
It will help them more than you will ever know!
Maria Bucci, M.Ed LPC DWC-F. Daring Way Facilitator by Dr. Brené Brown