Emotional dumping is when someone verbally offloads intense frustration or fear onto someone they think should care and fix it NOW.
Chances are that if you are the parent of teenagers or tweens, you have gotten dumped on. Especially in this crazy time we are living in!
A good book for parents to read about dealing with their teenagers and tweens is called “Getting To Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens” by Laura Kastner and Jennifer Wyatt.
For more than 30 years, Kastner has helped parents and children work toward a calmer home environment.
This book describes the hormonal aspect as well as gender differences and how parents need to learn how to keep their emotions in check. She states obvious tools:
- Stepping outside for a moment.
- Taking a deep break.
- Thinking of mindfulness or Zen.
But more importantly, it is okay if you allow a teenager to have the last word, as the parent is still in charge!!
Dealing with frantic teens is not easy but using the CALM technique:
- Cool down
- Assess options
- Listen with empathy
- Make a plan
and maintaining healthy boundaries can keep parents from reacting and engaging in an escalated argument.
The CALM process in has three goals:
- Keep emotions in check
- Minimize damage to the relationship.
- Extricate yourself from the eye of the storm.
Remember to listen, emphasize, and confirm their feelings, but admit that you are not able to solve the problem for them and express the confidence you have in them that they have the ability to figure it out.
After all, what we want is a loving relationship with our kids where we can help them grow into healthy adults, right?
Let’s all do our part to keep our kids and the world we live in as happy as possible now!
Maria Bucci, M.Ed LPC DWC-F. Daring Way Facilitator by Dr. Brené Brown
Leave a Reply